She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
