Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize