my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
