i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
