The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
