went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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