I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize