he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
