Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
