he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
