You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
