Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
