your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize