he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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