halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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