whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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