best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
