ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize