it hurts more in the daytime
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
