It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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