hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
