I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
