: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
