I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
