No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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