I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
