He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
