Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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