I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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