Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
