Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
