I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
