My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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