Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
