If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize