I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
