spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
