I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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