It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
