Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
