I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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