Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
