dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
