Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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