Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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