i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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