All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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