Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
