I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
