Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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