just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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