I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
