Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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