i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
