wrigley field is MILF paradise
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
