so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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