theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The air was thick with penises
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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