They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
