The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
