i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're too hungover to prance.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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