Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
