There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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