Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
