He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
