I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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