don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
