needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
