none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
