dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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