In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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