I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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