I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
