He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
